Speak with your new furry friend in soft, soothing tones.
It's actually fun to say really ridiculous things in a really nice tone of voice. They don't know what the words mean anyway so you can just tell them your to-do list or have them listen about your day.
They are the best at helping me pick out what to wear and what to say to my friends about certain situations.
They can't tell anyone else, so I think a guinea pig is the best companion to keep your secrets.